I never imagined myself of having had a very sad childhood nor even necessarily a happy one. You know when you expect so much and ended up being disappointed? I think that was how I felt when I was younger, and even up to know I still have that feeling of emptiness. It’s as if something is missing; either it’s me not doing something about or it’s someone else’s.
Back in the day, I only had too few a friends. I have two best friends, Michael and Carlos since Junior Casa days back in SMMC. I’m also friend/frenemies with the likes of Zack, Jamelle, Mangga, Ashley, gerard, Marlou, Cheche and Marvin. But never do I really have a large circle of friends ( a small one I do have, composed of my old buds from grade school).
12 years ago, a 25-volume set of encyclopedia was delivered to our home in Valenzuela. It’s a collection of books under the name “Compton’s Encyclopedia”. I fell in love reading it of course, driven me curiosity towards history, culture and geography. I first started with Volume 2-A where my fancy got tickled with pictures of bodies in layers under the category “Anatomy”. Later, i would switch my attention to Volume P1 where I would aalways flip to page 115 to read a feature about the Philippines. Sooner after, i started reading all of the 25-volume set. Hehehehe.
One consequence maybe is me having to know a lot of stuff coming from those books, on topics too “nosebleeding” for my age group. Thus, I ended up trying to argue against my classmates during class, pointing out 1)where is North, 2)Czechoslovakia is but now two countries, 3) the names of countries, territories, isles, seas and oceans. Thus, giving me the reputation of a “know-it-all”.
This continued even when I was in US for a year although I tried not to overreact at times. But because I was way apart from my beloved Compton, I grew to realize that I also need friends in the flesh, those whose shoulder I could cry on, tell stuff what’s going on, or even share the silliest of my secrets. That’s why I never became too much dependent on material sources of knowledge.
Back home, I had a pretty bad start when I transferred to a new school. Instead of being tagged as a “know-it-all”, I was now being notoriously known as the “serious-overfriendly-gentlemanly-wholesome-walking almanac/cheat code”. I can’t help myself but help people in need, it’s in my nature to do so although I grew to become shy at certain aspects.
Nevertheless, the “know-it-all” image still haunts me today in college, which ultimately led me to a heated argument with my fellow blockmates which I never wanted to happen in the first place. I still have the tendency to over-react and sometimes could get carried away but that time, I was in the middle of a depressing state after being put myself to so much pressure.
It was when I let go of the extra weight did I achieved amends to those whom I have hurt.
Hate to admit it but sometimes, I’m envy people who are able to have friends in such a level that a trust between each other is firmly established. I do have such but given that my closest of friend are too few, I still want to make myself close to people I’ve already know for a long time.
Thus I decided not to make myself to attached to a barkada (because my own barkada are already distant as it is). I wanna make myself more open to the people I made friends with. Although I don’t want to be called a guy with KSP, it’s not wrong if you’re friends with one barkada, as well as friends to another. I don’t have a clear best friend this time in college but I have tons of friends whom I always greet, talk, and see whenever I’m in school.
I’m still eager to achieve the kind of friendship that will solidify trust given to me and vice versa, that when you know that he or she is always there for you, you have that special feeling of something very special to them.
Thus the reason I dumped Compton for good because I know I’m better than this! I don’t wanna be seen as a reclusive book worm but rather an all around guy.
