Feeling blue (not recommended to be read by Facebook users)

Posted on by
Reply

ewan ko pero i dont feel myself today. parang ang lungkot ko ngayon. siguro kasi dami nang nangyari sa isang araw. sama nang pakiramdam ko eh pero wla akong sakit ngalang. siguro it’s just one of my downs lately.

kasi heto nga parang sa tingin ko parang ok at kontento na ako sa kung meron ako pero may pakiramdam pa rin ako ng pagkainggit nang makita ko kamkailan ung isang kakilala ko sa amin na meron siyang bagay na wala ako. bale pareho kami nang ganyang bagay pero sa kanya parang mas suitable para sa taste niya. kaseh, parehong kasi kami ng interes, ako nga naging hobby ko kaya hinihiram ko lang yung gamit ng mga magulang ko para lang masatisfy ung thirst ko para don.

but watching him using it makes me feel uncomfortable. it’s as if i desrve something better like him deserving to own that thing which is very expensive.

hindi ko naman gustong maging estrambotiko pero para alam mo yon parang di ko matanggap na merong mas magaling sa akin sa isang interes kung saan parang pakiramdam ko na kaya kong umeksel doon. Pero may darating na isang tao at aagawin ang sa tingin kong kaya ko pero hihigitan pala ako.

masakit iyon para sa akin. kanina nga lang nasa malabon ako, nakita ko isang dating kaeskwela, galing lang sa isang pagsasanay. di ko na siya binati kasseh pauwi na ako. pero hlata sa knaya na enjkoy siya sa ginagawa niya. tapos meron akong kaliga sa ineenrol kong music school, pareho kaming magpiano pero siya mas matagal nang tumutugtog at mula sa kanyang matalas na obserbasyon, mahaba pa ang tatahakin ko kasi di ko pa masurpass ang level niya. feeling ko na after 3 years na nagpiapiano ako, para na rin akong neophyte. managal pa rin ako sa pagpindot ng mga keys, di ko pa masustain ang mga hinihingi ng mga piyesa, ang the ZFair, ang Hungarian Dance, ang Song of India, ang Turkey in a Starw. Hindi ko na kaya!!

Ayoko na talaga magpiano, gusto kio nang magquit. kasi noon pa naman ayoko na magpiano pero pinilit lang ako ng mommy ko kaya sinaman na niya ako kasabay ng ate ant ng bunso kahit di ko ito nalalaman o kung tinanong niya kung gusto ko pero sa simula pa lang AYOKO NA YON TALAGA!! Gusto ko na nga umiyak as i write this blog entry right now. bukas may piano uli ako pero sabi ni Mommy tuloy na rin pa rin ako hanggang sa magJne. JUNE, ayoko na, May na lang pagpasok ko sa Benilde ayoko na kasi tumuloy pa.

Inaamin ko di ako magaling sa lahat pero may mga gusto rin ako, may mga sariling interes, ayoko na ayoko na talaga na may pumipilkit sa akin. iba ang kaso sa violin dahil desisyon ko yon at nahahalata ko na doon ako gumagaling kaysa sa piano. sa baritone, desisyon ko yon nung grade five at pinanindigan ko yon hangang sa umuwi na kami dito sa Pilipinas.

at pati naman ito na talaga hobby at major interest ko, mapapakiramdam kong  na napakainferior ko para ipagpatuloy ito. na parang ” huy, dapat may ganyan ko” or ” you should do it this way”.

i feel like i’m going to be sick but i guess kahit wala na ako sa SJA, parang hinahabol pa rin ako ng kamalasan at di ako iiwanan ng kamalasan hanggat talaga bumigay na ako at magpakamatay. ayoko na, ayoko nang maging inferior kasi pakiramdam ko parang namamaliit ko ang sarili kjong kakayahan. pati rin sa pag-guhit, ang matatawag kong natural na talento ko, ay namamaliit ko na rin yata. ang lungkot talaga ng buhay ko.

haay……………………………………………………buhay…

J-University Adventures: Alis-Balik sa UE Caloocan

Posted on by
Reply

The University of teh East is probably the nearest respected educational instituition from my place in terms of distance. it’s only worth 2 short jeepney rides, Polo-Sangandaan and Malabon-Monumento via Sangandaan.

I wnet there when i heard that UE is now conducting entrance tests from january up until this summer. i tok the opportunity quickly especially that it is our winter break (that was early January of this year).

I already have an exisiting application form from UE, i have the necessary documents needed upon taking my test and i have inquired with the schedule of the tests with he UE admissions office.

when stopped into one of their gates, i walkked a few blocks back towards University Hills Subdivison which lies next to the main entrance of the University. UE’s location is not really a good one, considering it is near the PNR railroad tracks with squatter colonies existing from left and right (except on the tracks north of Samson since they were cleared away).

In fronty were several establishments, from internet cafes, to notary publics, to plain carinderias.

Just when i went in, the guard stopped me and interrogated me irst, demanding my purpose inside. i told him what i need and he let me in. sure, he let me inside the campus but hwere in the heck should i find the admissions office. now right next in the UE chapel is UE parking lot where i saw many students flocking into their cars, driven by themselves (oooh sosyal ha?).

Okay now there’s this walkway which i took and just ingore passing students who are looking at me. then of course i need to go somewhere so i saw two students individually and asked them where i can find the admissions, they told me to go right from the walkway and left again and there you have it!

okay, I’m now at admissions, i went to the lady at front and said to her “hi, i would like to take an entrance test please?”. sort of like in a fastfood resto. she ask for the requirements needed and so i gave it to her. not long after that, she ask me and two other guys to follow her so we could embark on a short tour around the university. As the young enthusiastic documentarist, i luckily brought along with me my wonderful digicam with its video-imaging recording skills to take shots around the campus for my ongoing movie project.

one of the new buildings was the Tan yabn Kee building which replaced one of UE’s old buildings and now house several UE colleges with Fine Arts at the fifth floor.

I took the exam at one of its builfding with the two other guys, it was like an aptitude test so i found it easy. not long after that, the results are out with the help of its answer-reading machine, and the result of my test…..*drum roll please*…………..I PASSED!

i got the necessary grade from the test but since i’m applying for Fine Arts, i’m required to take a talent test at the Tan Yan Kee Bldg at past noon. It was around 11 in the moring so i asked if i can take the test later that day. “OK” they sid but i have to w8 til noon and bring with me some necessary materials needed. so i went out the campus to buy cartolina and when i brought one back, i forgot to xerox one of my documents so i went out again, i looked for place where i could photocopy my documents. so okey, i had them all in all so since it is still early, i had lunch at the Jolibee branch in Sangandaan, i went back and was directed to go to the Tan Yan Kee bldg. thye trail there is long so i get to sight see he whole campus, it is very wide, enough for the UE to have its own soccer team.

The dean’s office was closed so i have to wait for an hour for them to open again so i hang out at the building’s stairs. it wasn’t really a good idea since i’ve encountered passing FA students walking and climbing the stairs so i just have to blend in even if i dont even wear their uniforms. i ahd my CD player with me and so for an hour, i listened to all 10 tracks of this CD.

later the dean’s office was open, took up their talent test and it was to sketch this object presented to me. whne i was done with that, they told me it’ll be sent to the dean of fine arts and it will be his decision if i pass the test altogether.

a few months later (around march really), i got a letter from Ue and it says there thatniw as accpeted,. it also sopwedmy grade in my super easy entrance test that i took and later it read there that i can now apply to UE Caloocan this April.

Unfortunately, i didn’t since I have alreayd reserved my slot in the College of Saint Benilde.

UE Caloocan’s potnetial loss is DLS-CSB’s latest gain.

but i’ll never forget UE since it has for a day a part of my life.

THE END