One Year After Graduation (2012 Repost)

From a graduating student the year before to a full-fledge member of the country's workforce the year after.

From a graduating student the year before to a full-fledge member of the country’s workforce the year after.

Exactly a year and 5 days ago, me and several hundred others marched inside the hallways of the PICC to close out the last years of our academic upbringing, in the hopes of going the high mile to reach my dreams.

At the time, I was really nervous with this new chapter in my life. Unlike when I was making the jump from high school to college, I had this expectation to finish school no matter what. After I finally reached that goal, I don’t have a clue to where I’ll be making my next move.

Getting a job, saving up for the future and all that stuff. It’s those things that made me realize that I am now in where I’ve been telling myself that I should be ready for: The real world.

Finding a job was really tough, especially that I was already sending applications and going to job interviews 2 months before I even graduated. I lost out all hope until several months later, exactly during New Year’s Day, I got a text saying that I’ve been accepted as a public information writer for one of the best performing local government units in the country, my hometown of Valenzuela City.

It’s an honor to work under the public sector where I can contribute with the best of my abilities to reach out to my fellow city residents and in the process I learned how things go inside the munisipyo.

However, even though I was hired as a writer, given my background as a multimedia arts graduate, I also filled in as a substitute photographer and videographer for every functions happening around the city. It was indeed thrilling that I still get to utilize my main strengths and at the same time further hone my skills in those areas.

There was a moment in time when I felt that I was starting to do less and less. That was when I found that I am no longer being retained as a writer. I was moved to a different department within the office, now working as a videographer/video editor. Although I took it as a promotion of sorts, being able to go to one of the things I know I could excel, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking if there was something in myself that is possibly preventing me to go further and making things worse.

I didn’t realize it until I read this article not too long ago from the Philippine Star. It’s an open letter feature addressing all the 20-something fresh graduates and newly working yuppies like me, saying that what we were upon graduation will not be the same person overtime, at least that’s how I generalized it after reading it.

I was hurt in the way that I know it’s turning out to be true in my case. I’m not sure if I’m satisfied with my current job performance especially how this particular week fared. I felt like I’m failing myself as I try to become as competent of a working individual as I can be 100 percent.

I know that experience is a learning process but I feel like I disappointed my boss, saying that he can’t keep on “spoon-feeding” me when nothing is coming out from what I’ve learned from him. And that’s the one thing I hate: Disappointing people who always count on me.

I’m in this place right now where I feel like even if I’m doing okay, I should have done things a lot better than “okay”.

I don’t want to disappoint myself nor do I want to keep on trying to think negatively for a long time. I know that I need to turn things around but I don’t know if I could do it alone because to be honest, I’m scared. I’m scared that all the years I spent studying would be wasted if I continue myself to disappoint the people I care the most.

I keep holding on to the things that are dear to me which probably is becoming a hindrance to the things that could have benefited me in my current line of work. But if I do let go, I’m afraid that I’ll be consumed by my work and become completely disillusioned.

How do I reach this balance in my life where I cannot disappoint others and at the same time cannot disappoint myself. How could I make myself function well if there was something in my personality to correct.

A desire to change should not be at the consequence of losing who you are. I strive to learn even if it means I have to fail and be in a low point in order to rise to the top.   I don’t want to be dependent but at the same time, I still need someone to lean on.

A year after graduation have been one tumultuous ride. Many of those who graduated along with me are now in their dream jobs and careers, and seemed to have reached the point that they are happy to where they are now. As for me, I don’t know if I am in that same place at the moment.

But like how TOM would always say it, “Never fear failure“.

 

Side note: This is a repost of a previous article I wrote and posted last 7th July 2012. Unfortunately after I moved my blog to its new webhost, all the contents between July 2011-July 2012 inside were erased in the process. I made a back-up .xml file prior to this in the event of needed restoration but I somehow lost the file as well. It’s a good thing I made reposts of some of my 2011-12 articles on my Facebook page.

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