Right now, I’m at this point where I am truly bummed. Stressed out as I keep on thinking I still have to give my all to whatever is left for this term while at the same time, I’m thinking of what will happen come the next trimester.

I’m at this point in my academic life na talagang nakakaramdam ako ng burn-out. Excited na rin kasi na mabigyang tuldok ang buhay eskuwela ko. For my journey has an end date, July 2011 but it could still change if for some reason I did something that will held me back for at least another term.

I don’t want that to happen. The first time I failed a subject, I immediately retook it the following term while carrying over the one I’m supposed to take to the summer, my first Benildean summer to be specific. I want to finish in time, that’s a goal I want to reach but things didn’t turned out the way I hoped so I as forced to extended one more term.

Jeco and Ericson are about to end their respective journeys on February 2011. It made think of what will happen if I actually get to finish my run on time. Then again, I realized that these two took double, if not triple, the effort of completing the requirements to finish in time. If that means having the need to overload, they will do it. At least it paid off for them.

I could always have that option open but I don’t want to rush things too much. I don’t want to force myself on doing too much in less time. I could multitask but not to the point of selling my soul to the Smoke Monster (hahaha, LOST reference. Miss ko na sina Kate, Locke at Jaaack).

If I could ace my other remaining units this term, I’ll be left with 10 more units to finish. Imagine back then, I have to take as much as 21 units for ever term and fast forward to now, it has all come down to this remaining 10.

I’m already feeling the pressure of finishing school as soon as I can. But I know I have friends and family who will always have my back. It pays off everything I worked hard for these past 3 and a half years.

I can assure to myself, and to you that I will not CRASH and BURN.

Feeling so much of a haggard today brought by last night’s internal defense. I got home late and I slept late. It’s a good thing I only had 1 class today. At least I was able to find ample free time to make up for lost sleep.

Last night was just simply awesome for the fact that Proj1 is no longer gonna keep me from reaching the end of my life as a student (I’m hoping it’d be the same with BIZ1). Since I started The CSB Experience, I have always stated that I am fearful of any little thing that could hold me back from fully be done with school. Although there is still one trimester left for me to complete, I can’t help but think that the end is near.

What happened at panel opened my eyes to stuff I thought I could never do. It made me wonder of the things I could possibly do as a profession once I venture off to the real world.

My video-hypernarrative thesis project, entitled “An Almost Affair” which focus on marital issues (fronted primarily by the issue of infidelity) which I sought to give a different take on the typical love story so as not to reinforce stereotypes typically seen on television dramas. In addition, I want my film to possess the look and feel of a soap opera to make it appealing to my intended target market.

After presenting my contents to my panelists, they commented that I seem to have a tendency on making stories that are too depressing and somehow, tragic. It’s something I can’t blame them for actually.

 Other than that, they suggest recasting all but one of my actors, replacing them with ones who looks and acts like my 20-something year old characters. One of them said that I’d be better off not marketing my project as a “mini-soap opera”. I could still stick with the “look and feel part” but the format itself, I need to ditch altogether. They think it won’t work, seeing the risks that I might face once I undergo my external defense several months from now.

I try to defend my stand on the matter but they keep on talking and commenting that I really didn’t have much of a chance to explain further. It didn’t help that my mind’s psyched out but at least i was able to compose myself. They mentioned I have a liking towards using big words so they were discouraging me from using such as it might lead to complications.

In the end, I passed with flying colors but I have to keep in mind the things that I must change for the next few months. It’s shame though that I won’t be able to ultimately use the existing footage, especially the ones I shot in Vatel Restaurant. Me and my cast have put a lot of effort, energy, sweat and all that shiz so i could produce the footage I need to present for defense and I was hoping I could still use them beside continuing production next year.

This poses as a challenge for me to step up the plate as this is a project that will, as I mentioned time and again, make or break me and will prove crucial on the decision factor if I am going to end the school with a bang!

GO LANG NG GO!

Huhuhu, I feel like crying a bucket of tears today. In less than a few hours from now, I’ll be defending my thesis project in front of panel and I really hope that the feedback would be positive.

I have heard of stories about people who failed there internal defense because they  weren’t able to present all of their requirements to their panelists, others because they were late, while there those who simply failed to defend their projects effectively.

One by one, every student from my batch are being interrogated, spliced up and ripped open by these cruel panelists hoping that the days, the months and the hours spent on completing at least half of their respective projects have all paid off. I have to make sure that I was able to check on every end and every corner to make sure that I didn’t leave anything unnoticed.

Right now, I still have to photocopy a couple of documents for panel, and provide a soft copy of all my raw files to them. I hope it all pays off.

If I get rejected by them (Sir Rene, Ms. Lai, and Ms. Karen), I swear I’m going to kill somebody! (LOLz)

I just have to remember what I always tell myself for motivation: Go lang ng go!

Can I just say how freakin’ happy I am right now? As in seriously, I never thought the day would finally come when I FINALLY have the opportunity to pre-enroll online for the very last time! Alas, due to some unforeseen circumstances, I have to put my excitement on hold til tomorrow.

Grrr…I just couldn’t wait any more longer!

Parang kailan lang, pumasok ako sa CSB bilang isang freshman, isang frosh…At ngayon, bilang na ang mga araw ko bago ako lumabas dito bilang isang graduate. 1 term na lang ang natitira, out of 12.5 terms na kailangan kong tapusin. 10 units na kailangang kunin at matapos sa lalong madaling panahon.

I’m also worried because there’s still no guarantee if the third trimester of the school year will be my last. There is still the question of whether I’m going to pass the classes I’m taking right now, especially my MMPROJ1. I fear I might not succeed on passing them all especially that I highly regard every term I’ve been in as a critical point, where one simple action could make-or-break my entire future.

I know I’m making a big deal out of it but it’s true. I just want to finish college so badly so I could find myself a job and start make a living for myself. Lalo pa naman na nasa isip ko na malapit nang matapos ang paglalakbay na aking sinimulan. Isang deretsahan na lang at mararating ko na ang katapusan.

Kung hindi lang dahil may pending clearance pa ako sa Accounting Office, ma-eencode ko na sana iyung mga magagandang slots na puwede ko pa makuha. Ayoko nang tumagal, gusto ko na wakasin ito.

I’m almost there at the end of the road.

The first term started out fine and ended fine for me this year, which is quite odd because usually, the term would start sucky and ends up being suckier than ever. LOL hehehe.

Well anyway, the term is coming to an end and yes indeed, it is that time again when all of the students gather in all the three major campuses of CSB to get their course cards. I for one am excited on how I fare this year. In fact, it was quite a productive term for me, having to do stuff that I love and do stuff that I get to love.

As what my friend would always say, this is so “f**king awesome”! Indeed it is.

Another reason why I like the turn-out of this term is that I finally entered the big TWO-OH/Beinte/Twenty. Lots of people greeted me on my special day last week (August 31) and I was really flattered. In fact, I even received the best gift I ever had, a special greet from a very special someone.

:KILIG!!:

Weh it’s true. I know I’m out of her league by this point but still, it really made me smile to think about it.

In addition to that, I manage to see what I think I saw whot I thought I saw two days ago (September 9). Barney is the name and I look up to him as one of my lifetime role models. He is one of the many reasons I took up my course, one of the many reasons why I pursued CSB as my college of choice, one of the many reasons why I wanted to be a good designer.

You and I may know him but he may not necessarily know us. But nonetheless, he inspires a lot of people without even trying. He’s in for bigger and better things and I wish him well.

Although I don’t want to exactly follow in his footsteps, I do certainly want to live by his example and wisdom. I want to get out and prove myself that I can do what I can do. For the last two trimesters, I’m going to out-prove as I make it through the most difficult stage that a college student would have to endure: thesis work.

I’m supposed to graduate this year but I have to extended a term more to accomodate 3 units for this term and push back my thesis for the last two. This will give me chance to take a breather for a moment and prepare for what could be the biggest fight yet in the four years that I have been as a college boy.

I’m itching to graduate and I’m itching to find my place in this world.

PEACE!